My New Friend

“Nausea”. According to Wikipedia: Nausea is a sensation of unease and discomfort in the upper stomach with an involuntary urge to vomit. It may precede vomiting, but a person can have nausea without vomiting. When prolonged, it is a debilitating symptom. Oh my gosh.

It’s worse for me in the early evenings, before heading home from work and then again at night. I’ve been trying to “gut” it out by not taking the nausea medications, but I think I’m quickly loosing that battle. I’m told the chemotherapy is an “accumulative affect”, meaning the treatments build upon each other and its gets worse before it gets better. If I can’t handle week one, where will I be week 15? I have been eating smaller meals more frequently thru out the day to keep it at bay. Still. It’s there, like a constant reminder something’s just not right. And it’s not.

I’ve become a tea drinker, hoping to quell the uneasiness in my belly. I don’t like tea. I’ve cut back on the amount of coffee I’m drinking because I think the coffee has an adverse effect on my nausea. I like coffee. I’m trying to drink a gallon of water every day. You know how much water that is? Honestly, I haven’t gotten close to that goal, but it’s still my goal. Flushing out your system. Sounds like that would be a good thing, given the amount of poison dripping in via my mediport every other week.

Nothing is right about this. While I feel perfectly fine, the nausea is a reminder to me that I am not perfectly fine. In fact, I have cancer. I’m thankful my body has begun to attack the overly-aggressive cancer cells (and unfortunately everything else in the way). I suppose, the sense of nausea is a comforting one in a strange way that something “good” may come from all of this.

It’s just my first week – I try not to panic – how the hell am I going to deal feeling like this for another 19 weeks? Somehow I know this is more than just a test physically, but mentally and perhaps spiritually as well. What’s that old saying: “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger?” Ready or not, I’ve accepted I’m the passenger on this journey.